In the tradition of the countless* speculative articles on GTA V, we here at Ohijamn have detailed some features that could potentially appear in Rockstar’s upcoming game.

1. Horses Cast your mind back to the many hours we all spent roaming around the world of Read Dead Redemption. Many of these hours were spent on a horse. Imagine the possibilities if mountable horses appear in GTA V.
2. Chainsaw Few things were more entertaining than running about San Andreas with a chainsaw, mowing people down as if they were really thin trees like birch or something.
3. Hats One area in which the Saints Row series excels over GTA V is the sheer number of hats. Now, we don’t want the lads over at Rockstar going mad with hats like they did on Saints Row III, but they could include some of the more down-to-Earth hats, like caps or fedoras or maybe even top hats. Imagine the possibilities if hats appear in GTA V.
4. An underground system featuring mutants and shadows and ghosts and shit We’ve all played Metro 2033, and we’ve all felt the fear on encountering our first librarian. Whack them in the game, Rockstar. The possibilities are literally some.
5. Prostitutes on roller skates Vice City had roller skates and prostitutes, yet the two were never combined. Roller skates may not have the same appeal they did in the ’80s, but still – the possibilities.
6. More Rastas Little Jacob is not enough. It would be bumbaclot if he, or some other rasta (and let’s be honest: they’re all the same), are not to feature in GTA V. Imagine the possibilities.
7. A cooking minigame Cooking forms an integral role in the lives of all. Whether we eat food direct from a packet or roast a chicken every Sunday, cooking is always involved in the production of our food at some point. Cooking originated circa 1650, when Emmanuel Ropier accidentally dropped his potato on the fire. As it was a cold night, Ropier waited until the time came to subdue the fire to retrieve his potato. Despite the charring, Ropier took a chance and ate the potato. He like what he tasted, and from there, cooking was born. What better way to pay homage to this brilliant tale other than a cooking minigame?
8. LSD Every game would be much more interesting if you turned a corner and there was man with the face of an ant coming at you through a haze of swirling colours. LSD, either within the game as a pickup or a few tabs as a pre-order bonus, would certainly add a touch of the surreal to an otherwise sober game.
9. A mission in which you have to kill homeless Let’s face it, the homeless are scum, and I think we would all like to kill a few when they come begging for our hard-earned money. The next best thing would be to cut one in half with a chainsaw while riding a horse on GTA V.
10. Bernard’s Watch Bernard was such a dickhead. He never really made the most out of his watch. Never did he feel up any women or use it to nick stuff. On one episode, he paused time to do the washing up. What the fuck, Bernard, you little bender? If the protagonists of GTA V had access to Bernard’s watch, I imagine they would get up to some pretty mad possibilities.

*countless because I can’t be bothered to count them, not because they are infinite.