Diary

I went to my Dad’s today. The good thing about being here is the lack of the Internet. It allows me to stay focused on whatever it is that I do with my time. I saw a bit of the Doctors programme. The acting on it was shit, even though acting is a piece of piss. If anyone from Doctors is reading this, what you have do do is think how the character would behave in a situation and then act like that. That is my acting advice, and I know about acting, because I played the voice of an octopus in a promotional video for London Zoo.

I did a couple more EPs. I intend to do an EP with each piece of audio equipment I own. I should really be doing one of the assessments that are due in soon, but they’re not due in tomorrow so I’ll wait.

I did a new album today. It’s about travelling to another planet or some shit. Concept albums are much better when you retroactively think of a theme. I also recorded a couple of EPs of some stuff I quickly did on my keyboards. With all the music I’ve done today, someone might confuse me for Phil Collins or S Club 7. I am not them, though.

I cleaned my room today so it didn’t look like I’d just been eating Pringles and masturbating all the time. Coincidentally, my Mum came to pick me up today. I’m way back home now. I’ve got a new bed. It’s much the same as the old one, except it is leather. It feels like I’m sleeping with a cow. Of all the animals, I wouldn’t want to have sex with a cow. I would probably go for a praying mantis because the female usually eats the male after sex. I think I would quite enjoy a praying mantis nibbling on the end of my cock. I might struggle to fit my dick inside a mantis, though. I’m not bragging or anything, it’s just that my penis has a larger diameter than the diameter of whatever hole a mantis has. I might go for a cat, because nobody would give you funny looks if a cat walked out your bed, but I still think a cat is too small for my human-sized penis. The only option left is the cow I suppose. If you did have sex with a cow, you could get milk when you sucked on her tits, but you probably wouldn’t be able to get in a position to do that if you were having sex with one, unless you managed to get her on her back. There are bacteria on my cock, and not just because I never wash it, but because there are small amounts of bacteria on anything. Woman also have bacteria in their cunts. That means that everyone is always in an orgy with bacteria.

I’ve got a Newton’s cradle in my room. A Newton’s cradle is like the Snooker version of Swingball. I’ve got a lot of childish stuff in my room too. One thing is a little glow in the dark skellington. I think they should have made the skull bigger on it so it looks like a baby’s skellington rather than just a scaled-down adult skellington. I also have loads of stuffed toys. My favourite is Mister Elephant, who is made of polyester fibres. The label says “all new materials”. I’m not sure whether that means polyester was new when he was born, or if he was made with non-recycled products. Either shows how old he is. He is older than me, but I am still better than him.

My only friend

Flavoured water is just homoeopathic squash. Homoeopathy? More like homopathy. I don’t mean it is gay, just that everyone who believes in it is the same – a fool. Golliwogs are all the same too. I think that all the Golliwogs should be rounded up and destroyed. They’re offensive and just shouldn’t be tolerated in this day and age. I feel the same about the dolls, too. Ah. Some people do actually want to ban Golliwogs. I think these people are akin to homophobes. The existence of Golliwogs or benders doesn’t really affect anyone other than the owners of the Golliwogs or the benders and their little bum chums, so just let them get up to whatever perverted acts they do together, and let the gays do the same. I used to have a Golliwog, but he escaped.

I think I know where I’ve been going wrong with comedy. Rather than a heavy-handed attempt at dealing with serious issues like race and sexuality, I should just do some surreal humour. For those of you who don’t know, surreal humour is just combining two things that otherwise wouldn’t be combined. It’s like when I try to write something funny about a random article on Wikipedia, but without me writing anything about it. I learned about this when I was in Sõtke, Estonia. It was taught to me by a Hexokinase, and then we played Race or Die together and then I read An Episode of Sparrows. That is surreal humour. A random word generator came up with mandatory and ditch for me. I’m not looking forward to that new government policy. I don’t even have a garden to put my mandatory ditch.

I think I actually know where I have been going wrong with comedy. I’m just not funny.

There are 18 bottles in the shower. 18 fucking bottles. One of them is mine, so I’ll let those gays off that one, but still, they have 17 bottles between them. One of them has at least 4 bottles. That is just too many. There were only 10 bottles last time. I shouldn’t really joke about it. They could be rape victims trying to cleanse themselves. If you are a rape victim, I just want to say that you’re not to blame and that you should talk to someone about it, preferably me. I promise I will wait until you’ve gone before I start masturbating. I’m only joking. I’m allowed to joke about rape because I was raped as a baby. My Mum had me all up inside her before I was even born. I think I must have blocked it out because I can’t remember it, but my Mum had the audacity to tell me about it. I imagine the sort of people who are likely to read this actually approve of rape. If you are one of those people, don’t rape anyone. If you take one lesson from this, it’s that 17 bottles is too many.

I volunteered to do some drug trials today. I thought it was going to be like some sort of mad sporting event like the Olympics… on acid.

It’s World Down Syndrome Day today. To show I was down with the downs, I went about acting all downy, doing stuff like pulling down faces and speaking in a down voice. Nobody noticed I was any different. I’d only ever seen the condition written down before today and confused a lower case “d” for “cl”, so I thought it was called clown syndrome. That makes a lot of sense because I do laugh at them when I see them. I think that they should make a little area for the people with Down Syndrome called Downtown. It should be placed next to Chinatown and you have to guess what kind of Mongoloid the people are. I read somewhere that people with Down Syndrome are equal to people without it. I agree, and that is why I am allowed to mock them.

I was at uni for 12 hours today doing stuff on the project. I wasn’t actually working for a lot of that time, though. One of the second years referred to me as “crazy blond guy”. That is my best nickname. I think it was because I was clamping my head. I was bored, though. I had some more cannabis today and I actually got stoned, which was good.

I noticed Jame Sherbert died while looking at 2013 deaths on Wikipedia. He is one of the few authors who’s written a book that I have read. I have read Rats and Moon by him. I don’t read books any more because it’s really hard to get comfortable while reading a book, and also, I can’t read. My lack of ability to read and therefore my lack of ability to proofread explains why I make so many mistakes and continuity errors.

I noticed that a new Gears of War has come out. My problem with Gears of War is that the communication devices that everyone have seem to placed in the tips of their fingers. That is the only reason I can fathom as to why they have to put their finger up to the ear every time they speak.

This week I have been doing some project or some shit. It is a team project with second years so they are pretty much taking control. That’s fine by me, even though I think the design I came up with is better than the one chosen. For the whole day, I had a loose thread from my pants sticking out my trousers. I only noticed it when I was walking so there was little I could do about it. I was really tired when I got in so I intended to have a quick nap at 6. I woke up at 11 and thought I may as well stay in bed so I did. I woke up later at 3 or so and was awake for about an hour before getting to sleep again. When my alarm went off at half 8 tomorrow, I was still tired. That is just not fair.

I thought of a good idea today. In places where they have a lot of stairs and escalators  like shopping centres, they could also have slides. Slides are much faster than stairs or escalators so shopping could be done faster. They are more fun and could entertain children to stop them complaining about going shopping. They could also put really long slides on the underground so people are less likely to miss their trains which would reduce lateness to work and improve the economy. The scheme would definitely make more money than it costs.

Which ex-president stops flames from spreading? Fire-door Roosevelt.

Merry Birthday to the Ohijamn Web-site. If Ohijamn were a baby, it would probably be walking about by now, but is not a baby and it will stay where it is, but what it will do like a baby is produce loads of shit. One year ago today, I had planned to change the World with Ohijamn, but the World is still more-or-less the same. Gore Vidal died, but I can’t take the credit for that. I think maybe I didn’t make my policies clear enough. I think that there are too many people so when I come to power, instead of giving benefits to people with kids, I will increase their taxes. That way, only rich people can afford it and the poor scum will die out. Let’s be honest, wouldn’t it be better if all poor people were dead? If I had absolute power, I would just send out the men to kill them, but in this so-called society, murder is frowned upon. I would reinstate the death penalty and would auction off the killing to the highest bidder. I think this would raise a lot of money. The death penalty would be in place of prisons. When I came to power, I would empty the prisons. If you had less than a year left, I would let you off and send you home, because I am a kind man, but if you had more than a year left, you would be killed. Some people say that in America, the death penalty is more expensive than life imprisonment. That is only true if you are covering the person in an incredibly thick layer of gold paint like in Goldfinger or if you send them into space to asphyxiate them. The buyer can provide their own method for the killing, which is a good system. The prisons could then be used as hospitals and schools. Children who misbehave in school have no chance of a decent future so they should be killed and so should terminally ill patients to put them out of their misery as soon as they are diagnosed. Everyone is essentially terminally ill, though.

Another way to save a lot of money would be to stop funding the Army. Give every soldier one years wages so they have a year to find a new job. No country would have reason to attack Britain, though if any did, it would most likely be one of those shit countries like North Korea or Pakistan trying to display power. I’m fairly sure that many Western countries see them as a potential threat so they would probably be attacked as soon as they showed hostility. This would be like mutually assured destruction without having to pay for it.

They should cut the pay of everyone with a government job to £30,000. I would do pretty much any job for that so the fat cat utility scumboys should too. The only exception to this should be the man who runs Bedford’s water.

I had an organic cigarette today. That is my super special codename for cannabus. I didn’t have enough, though, so I didn’t really get high. I got a little bag of it, so I can try again another time.

I listened to the soundtrack of Mass Effect 3 tomorrow. It’s a bit boring. I think the track names were based on the titles from off my album Intrahydrous.

I watched a bit of Peter Kay today. He is objectively shit. I was going to take the piss out of some of the stuff he said, but it is easy to mock shit, so instead I will mock something good. Like a time-traveller, I have decided to take the piss out of tomorrow’s diary entry.

Saying Merry Birthday will not be not funny. It will be pathetic. Also, I will spell Ohijamn wrong in the second sentence. How hard is it to proofread? I will correct it, so thanks for bringing that up. No problem.

Saying I want to kill everyone is not funny. It’s as if I will try to do political satire but it won’t be a satire of anything. I think that I actually think that a tax on children is a good idea, but I won’t want to say it directly because it would be unpopular, so I will have to turn it into a joke. If I think something, I should just say it, but that would be properly controversial. Saying that all gays have AIDS or that black people should be killed isn’t really offensive because it’s obviously not what I think, but to say that parents should be taxed more is a controversial opinion. It’s controversial because it’s a shit idea. Poor people will still have kids and the kids will be those who suffer. A better system would be to kill every child at birth, but some would say that is immoral. Population isn’t really that much if an issue anyway. We’ll all be on the moon soon. I will be doing a satire of the Conservative government. Am I too much of a fool to realise that?

The man who runs Bedford’s water is a character from the Armando Iannucci Shows. I shouldn’t steal other people’s ideas. The same applies to writing cannabus, which is something Peter Baynham said first. I will actually cite my sources the day before I write it, so I’m covered.

Cannabis is an illegal drug. I hope I will mean that I thought about trying it but won’t because I am a responsible citizen. Nobody reads this. I could admit to doing that murder here and it wouldn’t matter.

Rather than making the tomorrow me look like a fool, I think the tomorrow me has actually made the current me (past me to you) look like the idiot I am. I knew I shouldn’t have taken me on; I and I are fairly evenly matched at any given point in time, but the tomorrow me has the advantage of one day’s extra wisdom.

Looks like the new Pope is a homophobe, obviously. I don’t know why the LGBT (Lesbos, gaylords, bummers* and transbenders*) cummunity care what the Pope thinks. It’s not like he controls any laws. The Pope is essentially just a senile old man in a giant old folks home talking shit.

*It is shame that in this day and age of equality that there are so few offensive terms to refer to bisexual and transgender people. It seems unfair that these people have to put up with insults that refer to gay or lesbian people. I think it is my duty to come up with some insults that can be used against bisexual and transgender people. For bisexuals: anus-Janus (Janus had two faces so he would be able to kiss men and women at the same time) and busy bee (bisexuals are busy because they can have sex with anyone.) For transgenders: international travel adaptor(they have all the features) and cockle shells (they have a cock and breasts which are sort of like shells or something). I’m just doing my bit for equality.

I don’t like film names that have 3D after the name because in the future, when 3D films either become the norm or no longer exist, the film names will look really dated.

I had a look at a few of the old Bible quotes today. Leviticus 20:13:

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

There’s a little get-out clause there for gay people. Assuming “to lie with” means “to fuck”, a man would not lie with a woman the same way he would lie with another man. If two men are lying together, they would be touching cocks and bumming, but a man and a woman lying together would be having vaginal sex, so gays have nothing to worry about there. However, according to Leviticus 20:15

And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

That one might get a few gay people killed if they enforced it. Leviticus is really just a kind of taboo Kama Sutra. If you’re ever in a tired relationship and need to spice up your sex life, just read Leviticus 20 and do the opposite of everything it says. It basically just says don’t have sex with your family or someone who’s married. God has to ruin all the fun. I don’t really think that it is the word of the Lord, though, because four times during his little speech, “God” says that he is God. If I was God, I wouldn’t feel the need to constantly say that I was. It’s like this quote from the Pope:

I am the Pope. I think that being gay is OK and that you should also wear a condom. I actually am the Pope so you should do what I say because I am the Pope. Molesting little kids is bad and I’ve put all that behind me now. Also, I am the Pope.

It doesn’t sound like the real Pope would say something like that, and not just because it is logical and fair. It was really said by the Pope, though, so listen to what he has to say. Another thing that makes Leviticus 20 seem like shit and shows it’s superstitious nature is 20:27:

A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

A wizard? God believes in wizards?  What a stupid mother-fucker. Also stupid God felt the need to explain how to stone someone.

I know that bible quotes are an easy subject for comedy in a similar way to the rubbish that kids come out with, but I was struggling for ideas today.

I thought it would be funny to get a black man racist, a white man racist and maybe a yellow man racist together to get them to have an argument. I think that would be funny. Maybe they would reach some conclusions and decide that one race is better than the others. I’ve done some independent research into race and come up with the following graph rating racial quality. Unfortunately, the white bar doesn’t show up on the white background and I can’t be bothered to do it again. My research certainly showed some interesting results but due to the lack of visibility of the Caucasoid bar, they will never be known.

Racial Quality

Using less scientific, but still reliable, means than those used above for deciding the master race, evidence has concluded that Chinamen are the best, with white people coming second and coloureds last. This is based on the medal system from off of the Olympics. The Olympics were first held by the Greek Gods on Mount Olympus (source: Zeus or some shit). In the Olympic medal system created by the Gods, Gold is the best, followed by silver and then bronze. The colours of these are yellow, white and brown respectively. When it came to design humanity, the Gods used the colours of the medals as a guide, and thus, the races were created.

I’ve learned a lot about race today, but I suppose if I only remember one thing, it’s that I should no longer be racist towards oriental people as they are better than me, but that racism against black people is OK and intended by the Gods.

I must unreservedly apologise to Dr. John Dawson, who yesterday I lampooned in a most unfair manner. I received an e-mail from Dr. Johnson expressing offence at the comments and threatening legal action unless I apologise immediately. Once again, I am truly sorry, Dr. Johnson, about the comments I made regarding your cap.

Old Jorge Ber-goggle-eyes is the new head of the Catholic church. That story’s been in all the papers. It’s quite a popeular story. I think Jorge being chosen is proof of reincarnation. Just a few days after Hugo Chavéz died in what might as well be Argentina, Jorge came to exist. I don’t actually believe that is proof of reincarnation, but the Catholics probably do because they’ll believe any old shit.

You see Dr. John Dawson? That’s you, that is. That’s you at parties being your most interesting. You see a mushroom? That’s your only friend, that is. The concept of a two hour video about mushrooms entertains me. It’s not really that odd, but still, that man enjoys pretending the purple-headed mushrooms are penises and puts them in his bottom. He’s not even gay, it’s just that he can only get off on the thought of mushroom penises while looking at two mushrooms next to each other which look like breasts. If that man was the main boss in Mario, it wouldn’t be Princess Peach getting kidnapped and raped, it would be the little mushroom men.

Another thing I noticed in the video was the animals sticking their heads through the wall. That is further proof that Dr John Dawson is a sicko. The fact that he would set up a series of bestiality gloryholes is just beyond normal. Making it worse, I think those animals are dead. Dr. John Dawson likes to receive oral sex from dead animals while he inserts mushrooms into his anus and wears his stupid cap.

I had a read of a few old diary entries and I realised I was very funny. Even back in the days when I essentially just wrote what I had for lunch, there were a few gems to be found, like my joke about Yamaha making keyboards for the Germans during World War II. They were Nazi synthesisers. That’s my favourite joke.

I played a bit of dream emulator and thought I might try emulating that in 2D. My RPG was too ambitious for a first go, so I might give a dream game a go. While playing dream emulator, I sort of thought that they can’t really have anagrams in the traditional sense in Japanese. As far as I can tell, the smallest “letters” of Japanese are Hiragana or Katakana, which is mostly just equivalent to a vowel, a consonant followed by a vowel or an n in our good and normal language. My name would be Ri-Do-N Pi-A-Sa-Ru, probably; I haven’t really done much research.The best anagram of my name that I could come up with in Japanese is Pi-Do Ru-Ri-N A-Sa, which translated into English sounds is “Paedo ruin ass”, which is a callback to my anal rape anagram of a few days ago. I wished I lived in Japan where it is considered strange if you’re not a paedo and a rapist. The age of consent there is 13. I reckon it was previously higher, but they were getting a lot of cases of men having sex with underage girls using the excuse “I thought she was 18. We all look the same so how was I to know?” so they just changed it to 13. Any younger than 13 really is sick, based on the old adage “Less than a teen is just obscene”. I personally live by the motto “When she’s 20, she’ll get spunk aplenty. Less than this, and she’ll just get my piss.” I used to swear by the motto “If it’s a foetus, it can sit on my meatus*”, but I found that having sex with a foetus is just like trying to have sex with a baked bean. My real motto when it comes to sex, if I wasn’t impotent, is taken from the wisdom of Cole Porter.

*Jap’s Eye

I saw in the news that a Swedish princess has died. She’s 97. That’s not a princess. I don’t know at what age a woman can no longer call herself a princess, but it is definitely before reaching 97.

I was reading the old news today and misread “ticking time bomb” as “fucking time bomb”. It it lucky I am not a newsreader.

I think I’ve cracked the reasoning behind the horse meat thing. The cows are just getting clever and painting horses to look like them. Either that, or some man is buying horses and then painting them to look like cows, so he can steal the cows and keep them in a barn in Derby so he can collect their milk and never have to buy milk again. I wish I was that man.

Apparently Oscar Pistorius is on the verge of suicide. If he does kill himself, he probably shouldn’t do it by jumping from a building, because he doesn’t suffer fall damage. I’m only basing that on the fact that his feet are like the things the lady in Portal wears. I’ve thought up a special name for Oscar Pistorius. I call him Oscar Wilde because he is wild. Also, he is gay for being a murderer.

It is International Women’s Day. Today should be a day when women are allowed to do all the jobs. The men get the day off and let the women take over for the day, which would be empowering for the ladies. The women can get the following week off from their normal jobs to clean up the mess they would inevitably make after running the World for a day. International Women’s Day is like a bit like Black History Month. I like them both, because it implicitly means the the rest of year belongs to white males. As a white male and a racist and sexist, I think this good. To balance Black History Month, I think the BNP should get together every November for a “Make Blacks History Month”.

Black History is pretty rubbish as it is and instead of celebrating it every October, all the black people should try to do something historic. I propose making a human pyramid higher than the Eiffel Tower. That would be the greatest thing black people, or anybody, has ever done. If black people do that, I think all the racists in would realise that everyone is equal and the World would be better a place. This year, the Ohijamn campaign is to stop racism with a black human pyramid. If you are a black, get on down to Paris this October and start building. If you don’t, you are racist.

It is World Book Today. To celebrate, I did nothing at all, because books are rubbish and not as good as any other form of media.

I was reading some old news and in one of the pictures they blurred out a baby’s face. Is that really necessary? It’s hardly like they’re going to identify the baby. “We found him, boss.” “No, you schmucks, that’s a different baby. Get outta here.” That’s how it would play out if the baby was wanted by 1920s gangsters.

Some girl has been stabbed on a bus. Her family are said to be, according to Det Supt Richard Baker, who doesn’t even make bread, “distressed and distraught”. That seems a bit much considering all that’s happened is their daughter was murdered. I think they have a right to be either distressed xor distraught, but both is just suspicious… Why does the news say stuff like this? The family are obviously distraught. That’s not news. It’s like when something bad happens, like 9/11 for example, and a lot of countries said they condemned the attacks. If I ever have a child and they are murdered, although I would be very upset, unless they were a prick, I would try to hide my sadness and express delight at my child’s death. I might not be in the mood for humour in that situation, though.

A woman has given birth on a train. I know you have to wait a long time for a train to come, but that is just ridiculous.

Someone wants to bring back the 10p tax rate. I don’t think 10p is really enough, though. Even if everyone in the country including little babies gave 10p, I don’t think that is enough to pay for all the hospitals and schools and shit that taxes get spent on.

Some lady is trying to sue Alan “Amstrad” Sugar because her job was too easy and she was getting paid too much. I don’t really see what she’s complaining about. To be fair to her, though, I reckon Lord Sugar did try to molest her. Lord Sugar is definitely a creepy name. I think it’s the Lord part that makes someone sound like a sex offender, just like that McAlpine character. The Sugar part makes it even worse. I reckon he sits in his boardroom and tells all the apprentices to suck on his sherbet cock and when he ejaculates onto their faces he says “That is the sugar on the cake” and if anyone tells him that this is not the expression, he fires them. The fact that “Alan Michael Sugar” is an anagram of “I gush anal caramel” further confirms that he thinks of his body as some sort of Bertie Bassett’s sweet factory and likes to shit on people for his own sexual pleasure. If an anagram was actual evidence, I would be fucked, because my second name is an anagram of “rapes all”. Also, “Lydon Andrew Pearsall” is an anagram of “Anally rape; end worlds”, which sounds like the best job description ever. My ideal job would be as Pestilence from off of the Four Horsemen, spreading AIDS via anal rape. If I couldn’t get that job a future headline will most likely read “Leader Lydon Plans War.” I will destroy this World one way or another.

I bought another melon today. It only cost 49p. I left the shop laughing up my sleeve.

Microsoft have been fined for not including a browser choice screen. I think it’s a pointless feature, because if you are at least 5 years old and know Internet Explorer is shit, you can easily download another any other browser (I recommend Netscape), and if it’s your first time on the Internet, you don’t care that you are using Internet Explorer.

Looks like they may have found a cure for HIV. I’m a little disappointed because no HIV means no AIDS, and having AIDS is almost as funny as being gay.

Nani got a red card. If my Nan was playing, there would be no risk of her doing high legs because of her artificial hips.

I had quite an international dinner today – onion bhajis and naan bread with Scotch eggs and American Pringles. If you want to try it for yourself, put it all on a plate except the Pringles, and then microwave it for a bit – I think I did it for two minutes – then serve.

Hugo Chávez has died. I always though his names was pronounced “shaves”, which would explain why he never had a beard. In communist and socialist circles it is highly irregular to not have a beard, just look at Marx, Castro and Lenin. Lenin only had a little beard but it still counts. The normal rules are that communists have beards and dictators have moustaches. I have special names for all the communists. I call Fidel Castro “Infidel Castrol” as he is against oil because that is a symbol of capitalism. I call Karl Marx “Calm Arks” because he was calm and kept two of every animal. I call Vladimir Lenin “Glad I’m here leaning”  because he had a thing for leaning. Hugo Shaves died in a Caracas, so I suppose you could say he was a carcass in Caracas. I have reduced global politics down to pun level. I think the World would be a much better place if that happened more often.

I see the Queen is in hospital. I hope she dies soon so we get a day off. That may be unpatriotic of me, but if any old lady has to die soon, it definitely should be the Queen. She’s had a better life than most so she needs to die in a horrific way to even it all out. I think it would be good if they made a special crown that slipped over her head and then contracted round her neck and made her head pop off. That is probably what will happen. Maybe when she is knighting someone, they will be made of electric and she will get a shock through her sword. That is also likely. What would be best though is if she takes LSD and tries to turn herself into money by jumping under a steamroller.

While researching how the Queen should die, I found this old story. I didn’t read it, but judging by the picture, Howard from the Halifax adverts got a knighthood

I bought some more Onken because it is better value than Petits Filous. Also, Petits Filous sounds quite a bit like paedophile, and I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about me. With my yoghurt, I got 6 bars of Basics chocolate. I thought I could dunk the chocolate in the yoghurt, but it didn’t taste particularly nice. I only ate 4 of the chocolate bars before I went to bed. I went to bed at 7, so one of them counts as tomorrow’s breakfast.