Diary

On the 17th Chris Morris Music Show, Chris Morris rings up the BBC to try to get heroin, and the woman says he should call the Claire Sturgess Production Office, which is like on XFM when Richy Gervais says she is a heroin lady, but 10 years earlier. Coincidence? Probably.

I think it’s funny how sometimes if you call something gay, people will say that calling things gay is a sign that you are gay, so they’re essentially calling you gay. Also, it’s not even homophobic to call things gay because it’s just like if you called something straight. I’m going to start using nigger as an insult more because sometimes people say the word gay is bandied about like some shit-stained butt plugs at a gay bar, but people would think twice about using racist language. I’ve thought twice and decided it is a good idea. You know when you go to the cash point and don’t get any £10s? That’s nigger. You know when you accidentally turn overtype on? That’s mega nigger. Who actually uses overtype? Niggers. The only way I can see it’s useful is if you are doing text art – text art of a map of a prison or a 100 metres race track probably.

Lately, I’ve been blendering about in Blender. I said Blender. I stopped last time because I didn’t know how to do something, but I chanced upon a video where the person did exactly what I wanted, which was good. If you want to know how to do it, It’s CTRL + R. It’s still needlessly awkward, though.

I think the GHB brought me out in rashes, which is possible  They may just be bites because it was rainy last night which could have upset the insects, but many don’t have an obvious point of haemo-extraction which leads me to believe they are rashes. Also, they stopped itching later in the day, but the bite I do have still itches. If I was evolution, I would make insect bites not itch. Then I would be happy to let them suckle on my proverbial bloody teat.

That grass Bradley Manning has said he’s a woman. I call him Vagley Womanning. I think it’s all just a plan to end up in a woman’s prison. It’s like when I pretended to be be a girl to go to a girl’s school.

I had a largely uneventful day, obviously. I had 5ml of GHB tonight. That’s probably equal to 1g which is apparently a light dose, but it made so tired I went to bed at 12 in just my clothes, and there weren’t even any good effects. My left hand was a bit twitchy and I felt very slightly sick at one point. Rubbish.

I’ve seen some old news about the possibility of quotas so women can be company captains or something. If women were any good, there would already be loads of them in companies. Instead of actually trying to be good enough to hire, they start whining to the men to give them jobs. Women are like children in a shop who cry because you don’t buy them sweets. As a side note, if you do ever see a child in a shop whinging to their parents that they want sweets, never go up to them and offer them sweets. I thought I was being nice, but the parents saw it differently. I suppose Rohypnol tablets don’t really count as sweets, though… Having an employment quota for women would be like giving white people a head start in the Olympics. I don’t know what the fuss is all about anyway, because there are loads of women in boardrooms – they’re the ones bringing in the tea or cleaning up at the end of the day

I thought I was magic once because I turned an aftershave bottle upside down and the liquid didn’t come out. On another occasion, I thought I had special eyesight because I could see the minute hand move on a clock.

Part of my lip is now cut, which hurts. This is the bad side to drugs, but probably not bad enough to not do it again.

I had a look at the top 15 search terms people use to get to my sites. I searched for somnscapes to see if anyone else had used the word, but of course they hadn’t. It says it’s been searched for 20 times, but I definitely didn’t do it that many times.

1. (not provided)
2. somnscapes
3. beautifull gay on omegle sex
4. british pedo omegle glasses
5. cute nerdy girls showing pussy omegle
6. northern irish girls omegle porn
7. omegle girls cum challenge
8. omegle msn skype nude 14 vid
9. omegle preteen 12 years
10. omegle young
11. pathetic thong omegle
12. sex hi sex grile body fuck omeges
13. sitcom ideas.
14. vido porno soryam
15. will minecraft run on a vpcj21m1e

Out of the last 13, only the Minecraft searcher stayed. My site is fourth with that search because I once mentioned the vpcj21m1e. I don’t know how some of the other people get there though. I typed in omegle preteen 12 years for instance, which I probably shouldn’t have, and my site was number 100. They must have got their Google to display 100 and just scrolled right to the bottom and clicked my link in a last ditch attempt to find child pornography. I am proud to say that this site is child pornography free. I’ll probably having someone search for child pornography free and get to this page now. I’m actually proud that I’m 14th for sitcom ideas, but that’s probably just because it’s logged my cookies or something and knows it’s my site.

I woke up at about 11. I needed to get the washing in from the balcony and I didn’t want to go back to bed. For the whole day, my lips have been dry, my nose has been blocked and there are bumps on my tongue and my throat is a bit swollen. None of it is too painful, just annoying. I’m not sure whether mephedrone was worth it because it didn’t last that long, but that’s probably because I didn’t take much, On the subject of drugs, I was reading about the Leah Betts case where she had an tablet containing methylenedioxymethamphetamine, or E, and then drank loads of water and died from drinking too much water. Everyone seemed to be blaming the ecstasy, even though it was a water overdose that killed her. I think water should be banned, unless it’s in squash. Just think of all the lives that could be saved in Africa if water was banned. Those little kids are always drinking dirty water and getting Typhoid and AIDS from it, so if it water was banned, the problem would be solved. An even better idea would be to ban little black kids, but society seems to frown upon genocide. I wonder if it would be possible to drop a nuclear bomb on wherever is antipodal to my house with just the right power that it engulfs the whole World apart from my house and maybe a 10 mile radius around it. I got in touch with a top scientist, who isn’t fictional because his name is Stephen Wallace, and if he was fake I would have made a silly name up for him, and he told me the idea is wrought with problems.

• The nuclear fallout would spread and then I’d be a hideous mutant, but also suffering from radiation poisoning. Ah.
• There would be no pasta. All pasta, and the secret recipe, is produced in Italy, which is not within my 10 mile radius safe area.
• An explosion that big would disrupt the Earth’s orbit which would be bad.
• It’s morally dubious.

On second, thought, I might not do that.

I checked my horoscope today. I am Taurus.

Youll probably want to visit your travel agent and explore whats on offer just now. The geographical location is important and youll want something thats little unique and quirky. Your working routine could be disrupted and you are not able to get a clear schedule in order. This may take consultation to get it right.

Not only are there no apostrophes, which a Taurus would always use, but its actually inaccurate. They’re supposed to be so vague that each one could apply to you. I don’t like holidays. I don’t have a travel agent. I don’t have a working routine. I don’t know what a consultation is. I thought it was bullshit, but I read a few more and I’ve concluded that my parents have been lying to me all these years. I must have been born between the 24th of September and 23rd of October, because I am a Libra.

Don’t share your philosophical or political opinions unless asked. This could create antagonism among your circle of friends. Finances could be a little confusing right now because some paperwork has been overlooked. Talk to your paymaster about the issue.

Notice the apostrophe. It’s a good start. Yesterday, I said that blacks, gays and hos should get the vote, and among my circle of friends, which is more of a line segment of friends, I texted Rob yesterday and he didn’t even reply. Now it’s my vertex of friend. I applied for a student loan, and they fucked me about loads last year because they overlooked one of my forms. They’ll probably be as bad this year. The paymaster is probably a reference to someone in New Vegas.

One of those rappers you see nowadays on the Coronation Street has got in trouble for doing a rap about rape. I can’t help but think he could have got out of it by saying it was a character. He wore a mask, so it wasn’t actually him, and I would imagine he isn’t actually a rapist. If Coronation Street has ever had a storyline featuring rape the people in charge are hypocrites. I hope he does get fired though so I can take his place, though I would have to erase practically everything I’ve ever written on this site, especially the bit about raping Leah Betts as her life support machine was turned off. I’ve removed that bit now.

I had an uneventful day today until about 8 when my Mum went out and it was time for me try my mephedrone. I snorted a small amount and felt happy quite quickly, but I think I just get happy when I try drugs. It was only about 50mg, but I was expecting at least something. I think my nose is always too congested to snort drugs, or maybe I don’t crush the stuff enough. An hour and a half after my first dose, when I was sure nothing was going to happen, I bombed about 100mg. It’s kicking in now. I’m having trouble focusing on this text because it’s a bit blurry. Otherwise, I’m pretty happy. To me, it feels similar to ecstasy, except I’m not sweating ridiculously like when I had E. I must have taken 1o minutes to write those last few lines because my hands aren’t paying attention and I have and strong pins and needles in each arm. I was slightly worried about the pins and needles and numbness in my stomach, but I was so happy that I didn’t even panic. I’m off to try to the start of a book. My hands were so shaky and imprecise that I kept hitting the buttons near delete like insert and home so I kept overwriting text in random places. I think the happiness and pins and needles lasted for about 20 minutes and then the effects wore off.

I fixed up a few mistakes in what I wrote. It was really amazing, though. Possibly the best drug I’ve tried so far. When the mephedrone wore off, I realised the idea for the book was weak, so it’s just a short story. It’s a bit weird, partly due to drugs, mostly because I stayed up until about 6 to get it finished. It may also be a bit weird because it’s come from my warped mind.

I saw some people say that publicly talking about drug use is foolish, but I am only standing up for my beliefs that drugs should be legal. In years to come, I will be in the same league as Emmeline Pankhurst, Martin Luther King, and whoever the equality homo is. While I’m on the subject, I think that they should gives gays, blacks and women the vote.

I completed Max Payne 3 yesterday. I didn’t write about it because I went off on one about dreams and because I thought I did it today because the date when it goes past midnight is confusing. Now I’ve finished my review of Sleeping Dogs, I can start writing a review for Max Payne 3.

I was wondering if that maybe now they are considering faster-than-light particles and how nobody knows for sure much about quantum mechanics it’s just where God wasn’t expecting humans to go there so he’s had to make a patch for it that doesn’t quite fit the old rules. It’s like if the developers have found you can go out the map. Rather than stopping us get out the map like game developers would – which would be the God equivalent of killing all scientists, which is what God would do if he were Christian – God has made more map on a microscopic level. It’s weird when you think about the universe and how small things can go and how you can keep asking what is smaller or what is bigger or what came before until infinity.

Application Type: Stud. The Derby Halls application doesn’t know me at all. I finally got round to doing that and also applying for a loan and finishing my coursework. I reckon 2 of the 3 things I did will be successful.

I see there is a game called Dream out. They copied my idea. Admittedly, my idea was just “something about dreams” and I didn’t tell anyone about it or write it down, but I was the first person to think up an idea about dreams. Dream doesn’t do it how I would, though. My game would be like LSD: Dream Emulator but with an overarching goal and correlation between the door through which one travels and to where one is transported. I haven’t played Dream, but I would give it a 7/10. 7/10 on my scale means you should get it because 5/10 is average. Dream doesn’t seem random enough from what I’ve seen, but it’s about lucid dreaming and I don’t know much about that. The first time I thought I had a lucid dream, I made my hand into a hammer. That isn’t something I really wanted to do, so I was wrong about it being lucid. In my dream game, which I would call Somnscapes if the name hadn’t already been taken, you have to face your fears and stuff by finding cryptic journal entries and solving puzzles. You’re trapped in a dream but you keep thinking you’re finished and the game’s over but then it’s the zombie apocalypse again or Daniel Cox appears so you know it’s a dream. Maybe it ends and you continue your real life; maybe it doesn’t end and you play the game over and over again wanting it to finish without realising that you can stop at any point; maybe it ends but you don’t like the real world so you return to the dreams; maybe it’s just an idea and will never come to fruition. It won’t. It might. I stopped with my C++ because I was too ambitious. I was trying to create a whole game from scratch. All I managed to create was a racist game where you played as me and you had to do flips over black people to stop them catching you. My high score was about 30 seconds. I should just get some basic framework and build a game round that. I can model barrels over 20 different types of barrel and crate so I can make the greatest game ever with that. I might look into Unity. I think I’ll write a book first. I’m going to do all this in my magical future where I have whole days free to host YouTube game shows and write music and make games and yet still somehow have a source of income. That would  a dream.

As I was going to sleep last night, I thought up a quiz show where I just think up the questions and rules as I go along. For quite some time, I was just thinking of questions I could ask. I essentially kept myself awake just thinking about facts. I stopped soon after I realised the people on the game show weren’t really impressed by my knowledge. I had a laugh with them, though. I could do it on YouTube if I could be bothered.

Also last night, I had a weird dream. I took heroin and I actually felt a rush. It made me collapse, but it was still amazing. I had a dream the other day where I had an ecstasy and had a rush, but this was a lot stronger. If I was able to experience that feeling without drugs and just in my mind, maybe there is something in all that meditation shit. I think maybe LSD did make me slightly more open to the idea of something, but I don’t quite know what.

I came home to two packages. I opened the first up and it looked like two little speakers. I had no idea what they were but then I remembered they were phone lenses. The other was a curious substance. I thought it was heroin but it had a UK stamp on it and when I looked closer it was shards. I decided it was mephedrone. Whoever keeps sending me all these drugs is going to get me in trouble. I’ll just have to keep taking them to get rid of the evidence.

I notice a little weevil looked trapped in the loofah at home. I got him out eventually. I don’t know if he was actually trapped, but I didn’t want my Mum using the loofah and him drowning or even worse burrowing into her ear and making her a weevil queen. I think that’s how it works.

If you were able to travel really quickly though time so it was like other people were essentially frozen in time and then you were to carry them somewhere, would they die from the blunt force trauma involved from moving so far in such a short space of time? I’m not thinking of trying it; I’m just curious.

Did you hear about the car with only 3 legs? It had trouble feeline things.

One of the metal studs of my jeans has come apart. I thought it might be a sign that I should go on a diet, but it’s the bottom stud that’s broken which is nowhere near my stomach. The only explanation can be that my dick is too big. I wish.

I got my blue star certificate from eBay for 50 transactions. That’s what I’ve been working towards these past few years since I started eBay. My life’s work is complete… The feeling’s not as good as I’d hoped. It doesn’t even say Inpropaic on it. I’ve got nothing to aim for now. My life is meaningless.

I thought up a joke based around “Too many cocks spoil the brothel”, but it’s been done. That’s why I think the future is in puns. For every word, there must be a pun. That can be my new life’s work. A dictionary containing puns for every single word… Say that again. Rough sex. I don’t know what comes third.

2015-07-11 Update: I literally have no idea what those last 3 sentences mean.

All tonight there has been a little midge flying near me. For some reason, I’m not allowed to kill it so I just have to keep blowing it away. I don’t like killing things.

I’ve been doing research on that gay test where apparently if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, you’re gay. I think it’s just a way to make men look at their fingers like a gay man would.

If one gay man is called G-yam and the second gay is called H-yam, who’s the third gay?

Apparently, gay people can’t hold their arm out straight in front and then touch their wrist with their fingers.

What’s that little island called between Ireland and England?… Really? I love women.

If a man called Mister Cox had a son called Isaac, what would his full name be?

How good are your eyes? Can you read this password for me? I M L S B N One for the ladies, there.

I thought of paying for BT open Internet or whatever, but it’s incredibly expensive. I noticed this bit in their terms and conditions “The BT Network may not be used to transmit or store material of an offensive nature, including obscene, pornographic, indecent, abusive and harmful materials”. What is the point of the Internet if I can’t watch porn? It would be straight porn if I was watching it.

I had some more GHB today. I had 3.5ml because I finished off the last vial and had half of a new one. It made me happy and tired for about an hour and a half. It seems pretty good, if a little weak, but that’s probably just because I’m dosing it like a pussy.

Some little jailbait killed herself after getting abuse off Ask.fm. David Cameron said “The people that operate these websites have got to step up to the plate and show some responsibility in the way that they run these websites.” I have a similar quote for David Cameron “The person that runs this country has got to step up to the plate and show some responsibility in the way that he runs this country.” I am holding David Cameron personally accountable for all crime in England. I don’t blame the people who do the crimes; I blame the person that runs the place in which the crimes were committed. He is a fucking idiot. He can’t even keep his own kid alive so I don’t think he should be trusted with the country. The girl’s dad said the owners of the site should face murder or manslaughter charges. That would be like him taking the blame if he invited me into his house and then I killed someone. Why did the girl kill herself in the first place? If the abuse affected her that much, just stop going to Ask.fm. She should have come to my Web-site, where 14-year-old girls are always welcome. People take the Internet too seriously, and that is coming from a man who writes a blog every day. If anyone reading this is thinking of killing themself, cheer up. The only person reading this thinking of killing themself is me, because I’m the only person reading this.

Some girls have been attacked with acid. The Daily Mail site headline “Zanzibar Acid Attack” sounds more like one of those indie bands they have nowadays. I think an acid attack is getting off lightly. I’ve been to Zanzibar several times, and I was shot at; I had grenades thrown at me, I was even hit by a massive fan, but I didn’t complain. I just respawned and kept on fighting. Of course when I went, it was called Last Resort, but it’s the same place.

Some old racist has called Africa “Bongo Bongo Land”. That’s not what I want to take issue with, though. He has said in the past “…the top left off the toothpaste will drive a wife mad.” Why the fuck is he leaving the top off the toothpaste? I think that would drive me mad too. Although he raises a lot of good points – I can’t remember exactly what they were but I think it was stuff like woman should be put naked in cages and all black people should be enslaved – but leaving the top off the toothpaste puts me right off him.

In dead man news, Graham Walker has died. I call him Graham Not Walking Anymore, at least I would do if I had ever heard of him.

If you cut off a spider’s leg at it’s first joint from the body, would the spider move it when walking as if he still had it or would it just not use it? Would it try to get rid of the leg because it was useless? I might do that experiment one day, but only when I’ve got the technology to reattach the leg once the experiment is over. An interesting fact about daddy long legs is that there are lots in my Nan’s outside toilet.

My son lost one of his teeth today so I left a quid under his pillow… so he’d keep quiet about the abuse. That one dedicated to Daniel Pelka, there.

In celebrity news, which I keenly follow, Chris Brown, or as I call him, Brown Chris, might give up music because he hates being remembered for hitting Brown Rihanna. I agree that they should forget it, because if I lived with Rihanna, I’d probably knock her about a bit too, and that comes from someone with no history of beating up women, but mainly because I don’t know any. I would really like to punch Rihanna. I remember I think a man tried to punch Rihanna before but he only managed Leona Lewis. I think that still counts, though, because they’re all the same. All pop singers are the same. Chris Brown’s bringing out a new album called X. Sounds a bit like “eggs” doesn’t it? We all know how Chris Brown likes his eggs. Beaten. I think Chris Brown will just fall off the radar soon, because his career has been going downhill since playing the boy in Everyone Hates Chris.

In other celebrity news, One Direction have spent loads of money on a really nice hotel room. I don’t get why you need a really nice hotel room because you only stay there a few nights. When I become famous and have to travel about the country, I won’t spend loads on massive hotel rooms because it’s not worth it. I’d just get a fairly normal nice one. Admittedly I’ll probably be running from the law in a national manhunt, but still. If I ever did a crime, I would do a clever bluff where I wore a wig under a hat but have my wig showing slightly so people think it was my real hair. I would also do it in a corset and high heels so people would think I was taller and slimmer. Basically, I just want to dress up as a woman, and if I was committing a crime at the time, people are more likely to judge me for that instead.

Dustin Hoffman has been cured of cancer. I think he may have had lung cancer from inhaling asbestos particles. I heard he had dust in cough, man.

Usher has ushered his 5-year-old son to the hospital after getting his hand caught in a drain. I think that’s just God ‘s way of trying to end the Usher line. Little drainarms Usher is fifth in the line of people called Usher. God gets annoyed about stuff like that, which is why the start of the New Testament is just a list of names you could use. If I have a kid, I will either call him Mothra or Wanklord, which is what I called my Fallout New Vegas character. Whenever something bad happens to someone in the news, people always say things like: “Our prayers go out to you”. Do people really pray for stuff like that? If you’re going to pray for everyone who needs help individually, you’re going to be there a long time. If I thought praying worked, I would say “Dear God, there’s a lot of bad shit happening down here on Earth. I’ve heard you’re the guy to sort it out. Get cracking. First, though, give Usher’s kid a new arm. Cheers.” Reading about evidence for religion is just like listening to Monkey News.

I just remembered this is a diary, and so should contain some things that have happened in my life. I went to my Dad’s.

I really struggle to take work seriously. I was meant to be writing a report on teamwork, so I decided to write a fable for it.

The Ant and the Beetle.

The ants were hard at working shifting leaves when came the Beetle. He stood before one of the ants. “You, Ant, are weak and I am strong. Look on my muscles, ye mighty, and despair. I wager you one of whatever currency we use in ancient Greece that I can lift that rock high than you” Said the Beetle. “I accept your challenge” said the Ant. “Good. The competition will commence tomorrow at high noon.” And off the Beetle went. All too soon, the day of the competition came. The Beetle approached his rock as the Ant watched on. The Beetle knelt down to lift the rock and then lifted it above his head. “I am the greatest.” He roared and then threw the rock to Earth. It was now the Ant’s turn. He approached the rock and then over the hill came 10,000 ants of every ant creed and ant kind. “We are a team and we will lift this rock together.” The Ant said. The ants took their position and then the rock was raised with ease. Raised above the heights of the ants. Raised above the height of the Beetle. The rock was raised until it was several cubits, or whatever measurements ants used in ancient Greece, off the ground. The ants cheered as their ant obelisk towered over the Beetle. The Beetle stood speechless before retreating to his home. The ants were victorious.

Why did I bother to do that? There’s no way I can use that. I’ve already pushed it by mentioning mammoths in my introduction.

Remember this date, because it will go down in history as the day Megazone Infinity was released. I’d honestly be surprised if anyone else produces any music from now on because they will not be able to match the behemoth I have created. I didn’t go to bed because I was playing Terraria and listening to the Ricky Gervais Radio Shows. I thought I had wasted the day, but I enjoyed it so I didn’t. At some point I switched over to playing New Vegas which I got for cheap so I could get the DLC. The first time I played it, I just ran about with a metal fist for most of it so it didn’t feel as immersive as the first. The best thing about the game was the time I was traversing the desert and saw a giant gecko in the distance running along kicking a tumbleweed. Good times.

Continuing on my path of ultimate self-destruction, I had some GHB today. I had 2ml of GHB mixture at 9:30 and I felt a slightly drunk  and happy 20 minutes later. It wore off so about an hour after my first dose I had another 2ml. I felt happy and then I just felt really drowsy and I kept clicking things twice on the computer because my finger was a bit shaky. About 2 hours later, I wasn’t tired. I got up to get dinner at about 12:30, but I felt sick so I waited half an hour and had dinner. I had chicken, beans and rice left over from yesterday. It seemed better today. I don’t want to draw any premature conclusions about GHB, but it seems a bit boring. Worth a few more tries though because I got loads of it.

I released my Casiotone MT-800 EP today. It’s not as bad as I remembered it was.

I bought a macro lens for my iPhone so my pictures of insects can be clearer. Insects are like pets you don’t have to feed, but you still get to look at them. I wish I could talk to insects.

I haven’t released any music since way back when I did my MT-800 EP, so I did a RX11/Stylophone duet. I don’t know why I bother, though. It’s not even any good.

Mummy went out for the evening so I decided to try my heroin – that’s what we heroin users call diacetylmorphine. I’m not a heroin user though, because I realised I could be ruining my life by trying heroin, so I just threw it away. Bullshit. I’m not a heroin user because I couldn’t fucking smoke any of the stuff. I must have been there for two or three hours trying to chase the dragon, but I couldn’t even see the fucking dragon. The dragon was hiding round the corner and I was sat in the middle of the road with no fucking legs. At one point, I think I got slightly light-headed, but that was probably just the aluminium fumes. At first I couldn’t get the heroin to vaporise without burning it, and then when I could the fumes were just going everywhere and not in my mouth. I wasted 0.2 grams, which cost about £15. I’ll get some more at some point when I finish on the checklist. I think I’m going to have to get a crack pipe and just use that. Also, that will help when it comes to trying crack and meth. I rolled a shit cigarette with that tobacco I bought ages ago and tried to smoke that to see if I could inhale the smoke. I couldn’t. All drugs should come in tablet or blotter form. I was going to write about how I hadn’t had an ecstasy lately, but I had one with the LSD the other day. I think ecstasy makes me feel sad afterwards when I’m alone, because I felt fine when I was with Rob, but on the way home and when I got home I felt a bit blue.

Sometimes I worry about writing about illegal activities on here, but it’s actually a good idea so if I ever do a major crime like a bank robbery or another rape, I can prove that I didn’t do it by saying that I didn’t write about it. That wouldn’t stand up in court, so hopefully me admitting to a crime also doesn’t stand up in court.

Why is blood coming from a vagina like some males’ real Chinaman? It’s menstruation.

Nothing much went down today. I might have seen a ghost, but if I did, I don’t remember.