You: Hello.
Stranger: hiya
You: From where are you?
Stranger: i hail from illinoise, and from which are you located?
You: England.
Stranger: oh damn
Stranger: so i guess you dont know anything about illinois
You: I have heard of it.
Stranger: yea it sucks that much lol
You: Just like America in general.
Stranger: hey now
You: What you gonna do ’bout it?
Stranger: well hey, my moms food might taste like shit but i eat it anyway cuz its wat i can get
You: You live with your Mum? How old are you?
Stranger: 17
You: Baby.
Stranger: yea, wats the point on rushing to be mature, i can do that with the rest of my life
Stranger: might as well get wat i can for free while i can
You: Are you male or female?
Stranger: male
You: Thought so.
Stranger: and you?
You: Also male.
Stranger: yea….that explains the hostility
You: Are you calling me gay?
Stranger: uhh no, hostile, a engrish word for being offensive
You: I’m not offensive, you dick.
Stranger: then what you got against america lol
You: Nothing. America is a great country, if not for the Americans.
Stranger: ehh some of them, mostly rich old guys
You: Have you a boyfriend?
Stranger: im not gay, first of all, but i do have a girlfriend
You: What is his name?
Stranger: her name….
You: Yes?
Stranger: liz
You: Have you had sex with Liz yet?
Stranger: no i havent
You: And you say you’re not gay?
Stranger: yes, id rather not have a kid while in high school
You: Have you heard of condoms?
Stranger: have your heard of them breaking?
You: Have you heard of the muffin man?
Stranger: that lives on drury lane?
You: He was gay like you are.
Stranger: listen man you need to stop with the gay jokes before i get a bunch of pitch forks and come over there and beat your ass like america, the great country that she is, and then let a gay guy rape you up the fuckin ass while i step outside and smoke a cigarette
You: Don’t worry. I’m not homophobic. I’m sorry to offend you.
Stranger: im not homophobic either, actually its rather hard to be when you go to a school and there are abunch of them, im not gay i swear
You: It’s fine in this day and age. How far have you gone with sexy Liz?
Stranger: she is pretty sexy, we havent been datin that long, weve made out.
You: How far have you gone with any girl?
Stranger: weve fooled around, you know, the ole’ hand job and the finger, but never sex
You: What about anal?
Stranger: id rather not stick my dick where someone shits
You: I thought you’d be used to that.
Stranger: i do have a fucking pitch fork in my shed, ya asshole
You: I’ve got a hoe in my shed. Her name’s Liz, I think.
Stranger: dude, theres a fine line between funny and fucking retarded man
You: I can see you from my side of the line.
Stranger: said cornwallis to washington as we kicked your ass already, but then again, history is doomed to repeat itself
You: You and who kicked my arse? I don’t remember having my arse kicked.
Stranger: ehh, you were too drunk to remember
Stranger: and as for your bonnie lass she always did have a thing for the beefy american frank
You: Are you talking about my ex-girlfriend?
Stranger: shes your ex for a reason asshole
You: “She’s your ex for a reason, arsehole.”
You: What reason is that then?
Stranger: cuz you are an “arsehole”
You: Harsh words, written poorly.
Stranger: thats america
You: What is?
Stranger: harsh words, written poorly
You: America has more to it than that. Like fat people.
Stranger: yea
Stranger: killer food, in both sense of the word
You: So how tall is Liz?
Stranger: why would you wanna know?
You: Just curious.
Stranger: shes not fat if thats wat your assuming
You: I’m not assuming that.
Stranger: shes about 5’9″
You: Quite tall.
Stranger: well im about 6′ so its kewl
Stranger: it would be wierd dating a girl taller then you, wouldnt you say?
You: Yes. Especially for a paedophile, not that I am one. What rank are you on Halo Reach?
Stranger: dont have xbox, ps3
You: They haven’t been released in England yet.
Stranger: really, that sucks, nothing better then free online play
You: Nothing better than free online play, other than Xbox.
Stranger: oh u just havent experienced it yey
Stranger: yet*
You: I have played Crysis on Windows 98 so I can imagine the seamless PS3 online experience.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: the game play isnt really that bad
You: Have you got Fallout New Vegas?
Stranger: wanted to havent had a chance yet
You: If you go to an shops you can buy it.
Stranger: yea, well the only shop we have around here is walmart
You: We have a shop nearby called Wallmart that sells walls.
Stranger: yea, still havent had a chance though
You: Does Jizzy Lizzy play games with you?
Stranger: no she dont like em
You: Girls.
Stranger: tell me about it lol
You: What are your hobbies?
Stranger: videogames, american football (hate it and glad its my senior year), sword fightin, drivin, and playing bass guitar
You: Bass guitar? That’s like a normal guitar but for people who can’t play well, isn’t it?
Stranger: yea, i guess
You: American football? That’s like normal football but for people who can’t play well, isn’t it?
Stranger: no, its like football, but stops all the time and big gay guys slap eachothers arse and hit eachother and chase after the black guy with the ball
You: Sounds like a video I saw and thoroughly enjoyed once.
Stranger: lol, they got cops in england? i didnt know that?
Stranger: i meant the show
You: I don’t know. Maybe.
Stranger: alright, well i think ive wasted enough of my life on here, ill talk to you some other time
You: Bye, love.
Stranger: oh you.
You: Love you, bye.
Stranger: you guys got facebook?
You: No.
Stranger: oh damn, welll adios amigo
You: Go then.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Omegle
DISCLAIMER: I’M NOT REALLY A RACIST SEXIST HOMOPHOBE MURDERER SEX-PEST PAEDOPHILE.
OK, I am, but I’m not gay.